The “Pamamanhikan”

by: Bryan

In Batangas, this Filipino marriage tradition/ritual is better known as “Bulungan”. I am not sure how this tradition originated but as name implies Bulungan comes from word “bulong” or “whisper”. Some say this was originated when the old people in the families of couple, which includes mainly of parents and grandparents meet personally in Bride’s house to plan the wedding. These old folks speak very soft to each other that is why it is called “Bulungan”.

www.weddingsatwork.com defined “Pamamanhikan” as a treasured Filipino heritage which, first and foremost, avoids the embarrassing situation of having the parents see each other as strangers come wedding day.

Since the wedding is already planned as early as January, there is nothing to talk and discuss during our “Pamamanhikan”. The main purpose of the celebration is just to have both party meet personally, mingle with each other and to formally seek our parents’ blessing for the wedding.

Traditionally, it is being held at Bride’s residence. Groom’s family brings food for the celebration. But since Karen’s house in Filinvest, Cainta were already sold; we just reserved a function room at Max’s Restaurant in Glorietta as our venue. We first planned to have it in Oriental Garden Function room but the rental fee was not practical for the said events. We also thought of having it at Cabalens in Glorietta but we think privacy would be an issue in that restaurant so we decided to have a private function room in a restaurant somewhere in Glorietta. I just asked my mother to bring some food for Karen’s Family such as leche plan, “gulaman”, “palairot/palarusdos” o “ginatan bilo bilo”, "sinugno" o “ginatan munggo”, “kalamay na mais”, fried fish such as “samaral” and shrimps. As you notice, most of the foods we brought are “kakanin” or desserts. They are requested by Karen. =) Some of these foods are native to Batangas province. We also brought Indian mango. It seems like these were our Dote/Bigay-kaya o dowry. hehehehe…

It was June 8, 2008, Sunday morning when we left Calatagan. We used Tito Oyette’s car. I was with my Father, Mother, Lola, Nanay (my Lola in mother’s side), Tito Oyette, EJ, Tiya Cora, Ninang Theling, and Tito Boy. We arrived at Makati around 10:30AM. We took rest at our residence in Estrella. Around 11:30AM when we arrived at Max’s Glorietta. Karen and her Mom arrived few minutes later. I introduced my family to them. Few minutes Karen’s Dad arrived also and I introduced him to my family. Karen’s relatives arrived few minutes later. These include her Tita Lita and her husband, Tito Popong with Lola Pilang, Karen’s Lola in mother side. Moments later, Tiyo Rusty and his family also arrived. Tiyo Oyoy and his family also arrived later. Tracy arrived last as she had class that day. All the boys were together in one table while all oldies, including Karen and I, were all together in one table while the rest of my cousins and Aunts were on the other table.

As you can see, we out-numbered Karen’s family. Well, it was expected since I came from a big family. hehehe…=)

We ordered food and ate. It was quite awkward to both parties since this is the first time they meet. My mother was speechless. Karen and I felt awkward as we also didn’t know what to do and how to make the celebration more comfortable to both parties. I asked my mother to sit beside me so that she can talk to Karen’s mom but she was totally speechless. hehehe… unlike the boys, they were totally bonded with each other. Lola Pilang and Lola Tindeng with Nanay and Tiya Cora were also bonded to each other as they were seatmates.

After lunch, I asked Karen’s Dad and my Father to join our table so that we can at least talked. I formally asked Karen’s parents permissions to marry Karen and they said, “OK lang s'min, walang problema.” I remembered Karen’s Dad asked me, “Bakit kamay lang hinihingi mo?” hehehe… I told them that all are already set the wedding including the church and reception, list of “Ninong” and “Ninang” and mga “Abay”. Budget is also being talked in this event but since I felt very awkward, I forgot to mention that Karen and I will be sharing for the budget. Well, maybe, they already knew it. =) As expected, tears fell from my mother’s eye. Mukhang baliktad ata, sa side ko pa yun umiyak.

After that, Karen’s Dad and my Father returned to their table and continue to drink Chivas Regal brought by Tiyo Oyoy. I told you, the boys were totally bonded.

It was past 2:00 o’clock in the afternoon when we left the restaurant. After that, Karen and I went shopping for our dress to be used in our pre-nuptial photography with Bern the following day at La Mesa Ecopark.

Here are some of the pictures of our pamamanhikan: